Jun 27, 2011

Hi Weeble!

Posted by Aunt Tricia on Jun 27, 2011 at 6:58 am

I love you, Weeble, and I still miss you every day. Your dad and big brothers finished putting the roof on the deck today. It’s beautiful, and I’m glad you got to climb up there with Daddy when he was first starting on it. Mommy worked on a calendar “center” for Tippy today. She got the pieces laminated and she told me all about her plans to use it for part of Tippy’s math lessons. There was this feeling though…words that went unspoken between us. Somehow I knew that we were both thinking about how much you would have loved calendar time, but neither of us said it out loud. There are a lot of times like that around here. Yet, there are many, many times when we just can’t stop talking about you. Those are the times we smile most. 🙂 I love you, Weeble, and I can’t wait to see you again. ♥

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Hi Weeble!
Jun 27, 2011

Four Months

Posted by Daddy on at 5:59 am

Hi Beebleton! I miss you and I love you. I think about you and what you are doing every day. Sometimes the thoughts make me happy, but there is always grief at not being with you. I’ll see you soon, even if it’s 40 tears from now.

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Four Months
Jun 27, 2011

We Miss You!

Posted by Mommy on at 12:12 am

We miss you like crazy, little Muffin! This grief is a physical pain. Just as my heart used to swell with joy when I held you and played games with you and sang songs with you, so now it swells with grief and pain at the absence of those joys.

I just boxed up all the sympathy cards people sent when you died. It was very kind of people to reach out to us and show they care. On the wall in the study, there is still a bulletin board full of the cards people sent when you were born. Even when you were alive, those cards made me so happy that I couldn’t bear to take them down. I still can’t. Birth cards and death cards and too little time in between.

We used to have our Weeble, now we have a mountain of grief. Four months seems like just a little chip out of that mountain. Only Jesus knows how long it will be before we see you again. I hope He comes today. Every day without you hurts too much.

Love, Mommy

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: We Miss You!
May 26, 2011

Three Months

Posted by Mommy on May 26, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Weeble, It’s been three months now since we last saw you, kissed you, laughed with you, played with you, thought you would always be with us. Missing you hurts more than anything I ever dared to imagine. I still go down the hall and almost hope to find you asleep in your bed. Then I just lay down on your bed and cry. I know Jesus has a plan for all of us, but I don’t know what it is. I just love you and miss you and trust that we are still connected through Christ.

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Three Months
May 19, 2011

Happy Birthday

Posted by Mommy on May 19, 2011 at 11:22 pm

My Weeble,

I missed you so much today. It was a day you would have enjoyed. I kept picturing you everywhere. On the bouncy house, in the fort, on the porch, eating cake, running around with your siblings, cousins and friends. Coming up to me and laying your head on my knee. There is such a big hole where you aren’t. Today would have been our first day with our three-year-old boy. Instead, it is our first day without our three-year-old boy. Our last day with our two-year-old boy wasn’t when we thought it would be, and we didn’t know it was the last day at the time. We would have taken your three-year-old pictures today. I found the shirt I bought for your pictures the other day. It still has the tags on it. You would have had your first haircut tomorrow. Instead, your only haircut was the lock the nurse cut for us at the hospital. I can’t believe how much I miss you. I can’t believe that a pain like this even exists. I can’t believe my baby has gone to heaven without me. I should have been there waiting for you, not you waiting for me. I hope you saw your balloons, and that you know how important you will always be to us. I hope you can remember the birthdays that we celebrated with you, and how much we love you, and how happy we are to have had you in our lives. I hope you enjoyed your first birthday in heaven. I love you, my sweet boy.

Love, Mommy

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Happy Birthday
May 19, 2011

Happy Third Birthday

Posted by Daddy on at 1:05 am

Weeble's Second Birthday

Dear Weeble,

I sit here in my chair alone on your third birthday. The household is asleep.

This day should have been so completely joyful, and now I don’t know how I am going to get through it without you. The words of King Solomon are echoing through my mind, and I wonder just what he really felt when he wrote them:

Read the rest of the letter

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Happy Third Birthday
May 10, 2011

Aunt Tricia’s Dream

Posted by Aunt Tricia on May 10, 2011 at 12:20 am

I was with you this morning. You were wearing your little yellow chickie boots and gray shorts. Your blond hair was tangled and curled…all over the place as usual. You looked beautiful. You were smiling and running and talking a mile a minute…telling me about the animals-the puppies and horses. For a moment I worried that they would nip at you, but then you were off and running again. Your blue eyes were twinkling with all of the fun we were having. But I knew. I knew there was some reason it couldn’t last. There was, in my mind, only a week left. So we played and we ran and you showed me everything. Where were we? Then I saw your daddy. I told him I was glad I hadn’t known that it would end, because there never would have been enough time. He sat down in the recliner and cried- as I have seen him do so many times in the past 10 weeks. He looked so old as he asked me, “How is it so easy for me to imagine you and for you to imagine me?” I didn’t understand what he meant; I still don’t. Then I woke up and you were gone-again. And I wondered: had your daddy been dreaming of you too, and will you come back to see me again?

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Aunt Tricia’s Dream
May 7, 2011

Sick Family

Posted by Daddy on May 7, 2011 at 11:06 am

The whole family is sick with some sort of barfing, diarrhea-ing nastiness; All except Weeble that is. Is it odd that I feel a little sadness not being able to share even a sickness with him? If he were here, I’d feel sad if he WERE sick, but I’d prefer it to his absence.

Category: Observations Link: Sick Family
May 2, 2011


Posted by Daddy on May 2, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Troy Eckhardt

I whisper his name
but it’s not a prayer.
It’s and ache and a hope.

I study his image
but it’s not worship.
It’s a longing and a joy.

I stoop to touch one
once beside me
and feel,
yawning where he stood,
as bottomless as time.

Holes are meant to be filled.

But not now, not yet.

I honor his absence.
I cherish the vacuum.
It’s a grief and a comfort.


Nothing but him will fit in it.

Category: Poetry Link: Hole
Apr 30, 2011

Letter to Weeble, April 30, 2011

Posted by Daddy on Apr 30, 2011 at 7:00 pm

My little Weeble Man,

It has been so long since I’ve been able to talk to you. I have asked God a few times in prayer to say “hi” to you, or to give you a hug and kiss from me. I don’t know if He’ll do those sorts of things, but I don’t see why not, and it makes me happy to think that He might. I know that it is a sin to try to talk to those who have died, like Saul did with Samuel at the witch’s place in Endor. I would not try to do that. I don’t know if you can see us down here. I do know that news of Earth reaches Heaven many times in the Bible. So I am writing to you partly as an exercise just for myself, but also just in case, you know?

Read the rest of the letter

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Letter to Weeble, April 30, 2011